Post-Marital Bliss or Blues?

The whole world is running after development, success and career. As on one hand, this speeding world is helping many of its inhabitants to lead an epicurean life, but on the other hand, the same world is becoming the root cause of all their problems in their life. Day-by-day we are sinking into the mire of depression and frustration. In recent years, the term catching phrase is the Post-nuptial depression or PND But what is this Post-nuptial depression or PND. Let us try to illustrate this and find the reasons behind it.

PND can be defined as the mental disorder or the depression that either of the spouses goes through after a certain time of marriage. But doctors say regarding PND that in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, a publication by the American Psychological Association, there is no such word in it. According to the psychologists and psychiatrists, it is only the adjustment problem that creeps in the relationship between the newly married couples. Adjustment problems among the couples are not new but now it is just given a name of PND.

Marriage for a girl is a sacred thing and she cherishes this wish in the heart of her heart for a long time. She always dreams of getting married to a handsome and caring person. She finds her D-day, the happiest moment in her life. Moreover, marriage per se is a very long and hectic process. From the time the marriage fixes to actually it takes place, both the bride as well as her family members go through anxiety. Everyone remains busy with the arrangements and preparations of the marriage. But the girl faces a different kind of anxiety. She remains happy for going to embark on a new life as well as worried to think about those unknown people she is going to live with. For that single day of her marriage she becomes the centre piece of attraction of all people and suddenly after the marriage she gradually loses this attention from everybody starting from her husbands to her in-laws. Then, in most of the families, the bride’s faults are given more attention rather than to her qualities. It seems as if the bride sans any virtue. This change in her life also creates a storm in her mind that destroys her from within. Thus from this point of time, she finds herself alone despite the people around her, and gets depressed and frustrated. Of course, there are variations also.

Similarly men are not spared from this onslaught of this mental trauma. The tremendous work pressure of men is taking toll on their marital bliss. Couples where both the partners are working, due to high job pressure, try to throw household responsibilities at each other. Men start suffering from many diseases like heart troubles, blood pressure, insomnia, angina, ulcers, over eating spells etc. But after battery of tests, the result confirms him to be suffering from depression and nothing else.

This emotional and psychological breakdown can be interpreted as PND. In urban areas the cases of PND is rapidly spreading like an epidemic. Now two career people are getting together through the sacred thread of marriage but both are bringing home their work tensions, which is finally leading to clash, depression, frustration, emotional breakdown and in some cases, even divorce. Both the working couples find themselves unable to strike a balance between their personal and professional lives. A crisis occurs immediately after the wedding bell stops ringing. This is the period when the couples confront an entirely new set of situations which they feel they cannot cope with. The number of cases of depression is on rise every year. A World Health Organization report predicts that by 2020, the depression will become the most prevalent global illness.

The stress of the modern world is the most significant reason for the hike in the cases of PND. Today’s hectic work culture consumes most of the time from an individual that the couples are left with no time to bond and understand each other’s feelings.

PND is seen mostly in the high-income group people. They have more work pressure and stress that gets into their marriage leading to depression, trauma and frustration. In some cases, they even go on the verge of breaking their holy and sacred tie.

Loneliness, like depression also causes PND. The Couples where the bride is a house-wife may find her in the lap of all kinds of luxury, but she misses the most sought-after company of her dear husband. To lead a luxurious life, the husband works very hard whereas he overlooks that on the other hand, he is pushing his wife into a dark well of depression and frustration. Besides there are the excess amount of household and child bearing stress for the wife. In such cases, sometimes the wife becomes withdrawn and uncommunicative and needs a psychological help to get out of this and to restore to the normal life.

PND has no gender bias. It can happen to both male and female. Medical reports suggest that 90% PND patients are from IT and other sunrise sectors where the is a high job pressure.

In these days all are bothered about their own career and thus especially in urban areas, people get married at a late age. Such couples have greater expectations and less adjustment ability. And this, along with the modern day stress, results in sure conflict between the couples. Now young professionals seek social and emotional support at the workplace rather than from their spouse. So this leaves no space for bonding and adjustment between the couples. Moreover, there are huge ego problems leading to clash over petty matters.

Girls who are economically depended over their husbands have own set of problems. Many married women cherish a sense of lagging behind in their sub-conscious mind and this comes out with the slightest spark. Perhaps they feel humiliated in front of working ladies. Despite of her education, her unemployment diminishes her status in today’s society. After their marriage, women want their own space and identity intact. But in some cases, this is hampered. Both her husband and her in-laws want the girl and her habits to change overnight. Moreover, all the duties, sacrifices, adjustments are asked from the newly wed bride. All these combine together lead to tension, clash, depression, frustration etc.

Such psychological problems are decreasing rapidly the tolerance level of the urban society. People make small issues into huge fight. It seems that they have almost forgotten the word “adjustment”.

So it has been noticed that, for many couples, a grand wedding is an invitation to huge problems, just after the wedding bell stops ringing.